Where are you from...Part II

A follow up...

After publishing my initial piece “Where are you from?” I have continued discussing and reflecting on how much language plays a part in our culture.

I’ve gone back into my “Grandmother Remembers” book that I have referenced, and while reading entries that she had written, I came across one that said “You learn very fast, I’m trying to teach you Spanish.” Just seeing those words hit me all over again as I thought about what it must have been like for her. I could be wrong, but I imagine that she had so many complicated feelings about the language; even still, she knew that it was important to at least try. She knew the decision that she had made for her children, and she knew that she could try to make a different (not better, not worse, just different) decision for her grandchildren. She pushed through her own thoughts and emotions towards the language to try and give me the most of it that she could.  

I find myself drawn to other people who experience this language conundrum. I listen to the Nikki & Brie Show podcast. Nikki and Brie Garcia (pictured below) are twins who were born in California and raised in Arizona. Their mother is white, and their father is Mexican. They were successful female wrestlers in WWE and have transitioned to becoming moms, hosting a successful podcast, founding an amazing wine business and more. While listening to their recent episode about attending a fashion event, Representation on the Runway: Fashion X Hispanic Heritage Month from September 27, 2023, Nikki said “I think our struggle is…we really want to represent that [LatinX] community. And then sometimes people be like ‘well you don’t even speak Spanish, not even fluent, so like you can’t.’ And I was like, what? Like, that doesn’t mean that it takes the Mexican out of me, like, I’m still Mexican, you know?” (minute 28:19 – 28:37) I felt that in my soul.

I recently had a co-worker ask me “Which last name do you like better, Vigil [my maiden name] or Muñoz [my married name]?” I don’t recall ever being asked that question and it really made me think. My immediate answers had to do with the simple logistics of both names – both of them get mispronounced often and horribly. When Vigil was my last name, I was towards the end of any alphabetical list. With Muñoz, I typically find myself somewhere in the middle. Then I started thinking about the last names in more depth.

I don’t think that the last name “Vigil” gave off the impression that I was of Hispanic descent – at least not in an “obvious” way, such as Garcia (see above); Gonzalez or Rodriguez. And the majority of the time that I was a Vigil was while I was living in Arizona. I only spent a few years here in Florida as a Vigil, and I have spent 13+ years here as a Muñoz. It seems that when people see the name “Veronica Muñoz” we get back to the automatic assumption about the language and my descent.

So I don’t think I can answer “Which last name do you like better?” Again, neither one is better or worse, they are just different. But I do find it interesting that the last name plays a large part in how I am both perceived AND received by others, immediately upon and sometimes even prior to meeting or seeing me. Then if they do see me, with my tan skin and dark eyes and dark hair, I fit right into the little checkbox that we’ve created called Latina. So when I hit them with the “I don’t speak Spanish” I have really rocked their world.

I also had someone who read “Where are you from” and asked if it was me in the meme that I had included alongside the writing. (Both photos are below for reference.) It’s not me, but I have similar features to the woman in the meme. So again, I’m not sure how to look/sound/act “more Mexican”, or in a way that the answer to “where are you from” is a clean-cut, obvious answer.

And herein lies another crux of the situation: can you tell where ANYONE is from just by looking at them? By reading their name? By listening to them speak? You might get certain hints based on an accent or a feature, but you’ll never get the full answer from looks or even from one question. As I mentioned previously, my answer to where I am from is “Tucson, Arizona” and my answer to what ethnicity I am is “Mexican-American.”

Do either of these two-word phrases capture the complexities of who I am or where I am from? Not in the least. I’ve spent 40+ years and countless hours in therapy trying to answer that question for myself. So I don’t think I’ll be able to give you the answer in a brief summation.

I think what I’m asking of people is to accept whatever answer I’m willing to give in that moment. If you ask me where I’m from and I say “Arizona”, believe me. If you ask me what ethnicity I am and I say “Mexican-American”, believe me. If you want to ask follow up questions, by all means, do. I’d love to tell you more about where I’m from, who I am and how I came to be here and I’d love to learn those answers from you. But don’t ask me the same question and expect me to give a different answer.

.